DBT Emotion Regulation Skills Explained
You know what it’s like when emotions take over, and you say or do things you regret. DBT emotion regulation skills give you a toolkit to understand what you feel, why it’s showing up, and how to respond in a way that actually fits your values. Instead of just “calming down,” you learn to work with your brain and body so intense feelings don’t run your life, but that process starts with one key shift most people miss.
What DBT Emotion Regulation Is (And How It Helps)
Although emotions can sometimes feel chaotic or overwhelming, DBT Emotion Regulation offers a structured, learnable set of skills for responding to them more effectively.
You learn to observe what you're feeling, identify specific emotions, and distinguish primary emotional reactions from secondary responses, such as shame or anger about having a particular feeling.
The approach also emphasizes reducing emotional vulnerability by attending to fundamentals such as sleep, nutrition, physical health, and interpersonal boundaries.
Rather than encouraging long‑term suppression of emotions, DBT Emotion Regulation focuses on strategies like reappraising situations and examining thought patterns, so that emotional responses and resulting actions are more consistent with your values, goals, and long‑term well-being.
DBT Emotion Regulation vs Distress Tolerance: What’s the Difference?
In dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), emotion regulation and distress tolerance are related but distinct skill sets that apply at different levels of emotional intensity.
Emotion regulation focuses on understanding, labeling, and gradually influencing emotions when they're within a manageable range (for example, mild to moderate intensity).
The goal is to move toward emotions, understand what they signal, reduce emotional vulnerability over time, and build more stable patterns of responding.
Distress tolerance is used when emotions are very intense and feel unmanageable or unsafe.
At these higher levels of distress, the primary aim isn't to change the emotion itself but to get through the crisis without making the situation worse.
Distress tolerance skills emphasize short‑term coping, creating psychological distance, and maintaining safety until the emotional peak subsides.
DBT typically introduces mindfulness and distress tolerance skills before focusing extensively on emotion regulation.
This sequence is intended to ensure that individuals can navigate acute crises and maintain safety, which then allows for more effective work on understanding and changing emotional patterns in the longer term.
Everyday DBT Emotion Regulation Skills You Can Use
Using DBT emotion regulation skills in everyday life involves making consistent, intentional choices to keep emotions within a tolerable range rather than waiting for a crisis.
A core starting point is the ABC PLEASE skills: support your physical health by limiting or avoiding mood‑altering substances, maintaining regular and balanced eating and sleep patterns, engaging in daily physical activity, and addressing medical or mental health concerns.
When you notice you're upset, pause and rate the intensity of your emotion on a 1–10 scale.
If the intensity is relatively low (for example, 3 or below), use Check the Facts to examine whether your interpretation of the situation is accurate or influenced by assumptions.
When your emotional urges lead to behavior that's ineffective or misaligned with your goals, apply Opposite Action by choosing behaviors that fit the facts and your long‑term values instead of the impulse.
Strengthen your overall emotional resilience by scheduling both pleasant activities and tasks that build a sense of mastery.
As a regular practice, label your primary emotions (the first emotional response to an event) and any secondary emotions (reactions to your initial feelings).
This process can reduce emotional intensity, increase clarity, and support more deliberate choices in daily emotion‑related decisions.
Step-by-Step DBT Emotion Regulation Practice
Breaking DBT emotion regulation into clear steps can make it easier to respond intentionally rather than react impulsively.
Start by identifying the trigger and naming your primary emotion, then notice any secondary emotions and rate the intensity on a scale from 1 to 10.
If the intensity is in the lower range (about 1–3), use skills such as Check the Facts and cognitive reappraisal to examine Automatic Negative Thoughts and consider more balanced, realistic interpretations.
If the intensity is high (around 7 or above), or rising quickly, shift first to Distress Tolerance skills—such as STOP, TIPP, and grounding—to reduce emotional arousal to a more manageable level.
Once your emotional intensity has decreased, return to the situation and apply emotion regulation strategies such as Opposite Action and problem solving, and use ABC PLEASE regularly to build longer-term emotional stability and resilience.
Common DBT Emotion Regulation Pitfalls (And How to Fix Them)
Although DBT emotion regulation skills can be effective, several common mistakes can limit their impact if they aren't identified early.
One frequent issue is viewing emotions as “stupid” or “weak.”
Instead, it's more useful to recognize that emotions contain information about your needs, values, and environment, and to validate their presence so you can respond deliberately rather than avoid them.
Another pitfall is chronic emotional suppression, which is associated with increased physiological stress and reduced psychological flexibility.
Rather than pushing feelings away, practice identifying, labeling, and reframing (“reappraising”) emotions to reduce their intensity and make them more manageable.
It is also important not to confuse secondary emotions (such as feeling ashamed about being angry) with primary emotions (such as the initial anger itself).
Try to identify your first emotional reaction before the secondary layer appears, as this helps you understand the original trigger and respond more effectively.
In addition, notice automatic negative thoughts and examine them using a more balanced, adult perspective.
This may involve checking the evidence for and against a thought and considering alternative, more accurate interpretations.
When emotional intensity reaches a high level (for example, 7–10 out of 10), strategies such as TIPP (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, Paired Muscle Relaxation), grounding techniques, or the STOP skill (Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully) are often necessary first.
These tools help reduce arousal to a level where other emotion regulation skills can be used more effectively for longer-term change.
Conclusion
When you use DBT emotion regulation skills, you stop feeling at the mercy of your moods and start choosing how you respond. You’ve learned how to tell emotions apart, reduce vulnerability, check the facts, and act opposite when your feelings steer you off course. Start small, practice often, and expect imperfect progress. Over time, you’ll notice you react less, respond more, and build a life that actually fits your values—not your worst moments.